Have you ever come out of situation that left you reeling as if held by a rubber band bound too tight that finally snapped? It happened to me. I've talked incessantly about the situation, prayed, forgiven myself and others, and analyzed the past few years with a microscope.And still my head wondered; what just happened? Why didn't I see it? So when I awoke to another dream that morning, I was tired. How long did the memories have to replay in my mind, in my dreams? Why couldn't I just let go?
Later that morning, we found ourselves driving by the place of my nightmares. I had been hurt deeply. I have to admit, part of me wanted to "shoot the bird" as we drove by. That's a laugh as I don't think I've ever made that gesture. But I was mad. Hurt. Angry. I entertained the thought for a split second and then I heard the Lord say; shake off the dust. We were heading home now, so it was the second time we would pass the building. I confessed to Mike, my hubby, my desire to stick up a certain finger as we drove by. But I added, maybe I just need to shake off the dust!
We both recalled a sermon where the pastor talked about shaking off the dust. I remember thinking at that time, I should do this; symbolically. But today it felt right. Mike pulled into the parking lot. I got out and walked towards the front door, praying. I asked God for closure and healing. I prayed for others who would stand in the same place as I did. I asked for strength to move on. I left those who hurt me in His hands. I walked towards the doors, I wouldn't enter, but continued on the sidewalk, praying, letting go. I circled back to the truck, hopped in. As I sat in the seat, I took off my shoes. I clapped them together outside the door, letting the loose rock fall to the ground.
There. I'm done.These people had rejected me. They wore me down. By the time the rubber band snapped, I wasn't even reflecting Christ anymore. Each day had become a struggle. The darkness that slid in and permeated the place, had it's affect on me, too.
I wished it hadn't take so long. I wish I had seen things before they got so bad. I've done a lot of soul searching, made mistakes, too many, but God is good. And His mercy and kindness leads us to repentance. And He absolutely loves me!
Today I will let go. God has it. He has held me all along. The big moves had been in His hands. He is faithful to this daughter. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. From this moment on, no more looking back! According to Matthew 10: 12, when we are rejected, the peace, His peace returns to us!. Thank you, Lord!
"As you enter the house, salute it. And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. And if any one will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town." Matthew 10:12-14
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